090396

9th of March 1996 (090396) I will remember this date the whole of my life. This date totally change my life, everything was change just in a single day. I still can smell the air of the environment on this day and it wss still fresh. The smell was sour and full of hopeless. This day the doctor told me that my kidney was not functioning good and I was being diagnosed with kidney failure. Yes , kidney failure. He told me that both of my kidney started to shrunk and I might need to go for dialysis. At that time I even don't understand what is the meaning of the word " kidney" and also dialysis, not even heard it. After the doctor explained, I knew it and at that moment my world stop and I am breathless. I am only 19 years old and I am having kidney problem. All my hope gone in just a few words....... What am I suppose to do ? Why this happen to me ? How am I going to tell mum? Is this desease just as simple as flu ?

When I was homed, I told mum the news. You know, that is the worst moment I had ever felt. That was the most difficult moment for me to open my mouth to talk with mum. It was so so difficult to start the 1st word! I am too reluctant to speak when I saw her face. I still remember that time when I saw her, she was in the kitchen cooking for my dinner. I can see tears coming out from her eye, my heart was so pain, so pain. I can feel tears start to come out from my eye but I hold it. I start regret for telling her the news. I wish I can ran away from the situation, but I knew I can't. I told her not to worried, this is just a small case and not critical and maybe doctor gave the wrong result. Gosh............ it was not easy to finish the sentence. In just a few minutes I felt that mum become older, more wrinkle on her face and so pity. I am lying on my bed to suffered the pain in my heart. I keep on asking my self " Why? Why I must do something to hurt mum badly! She is innocent.................


No matter how far we go, home is the warmest place.